Beth365

...and Quite a Month It's Been

2011-12-23T23:25:00.002-05:00

I last wrote from the hospital about a month ago. Yesterday, I returned to the hospital, driving Ben to his follow-up appointment. In the intervening month, he has found recovery to be a painful, slow, and draining experience. I have watched as he has suffered through pain, weathered discomfort, and been flattened by fatigue. The hardest part of the recovery though, has been the emotional toll. He has described it as brittleness, which seems like a stellar description. If I had been asked ahead what I thought recovery from heart surgery would entail, I would have responded with things such as limited activity, changes in diet, exercise plans, and monitoring cholesterol and blood pressure. I would not have anticipated the emotional component.

I try to figure out my place in the recovery. I feel helpless in one sense, as I watch his frustration and suffering. And yet, I know that I am helpful in the practical sense: driving him places, carrying heavy things, being a friend. But trying to figure out how to be the friend (of only three months, at that!) -- while not being the caregiver, not the doctor, not the therapist, not the wife -- has been tricky to pull off. Add to that our adjustment to all the emotional factors, and we've got one heck of a challenge on our hands. But he is a fighter, who somehow has managed --while recovering-- to put full days in at the office, entertain his daughters for a holiday weekend, and do all his online Christmas shopping (well ahead of me, who is still shopping the old-fashioned way on Christmas Eve). And I am a patient and optimistic friend, who has managed in the past month --while supporting his recovery-- to finish my semester's classes, maintain a 4.0, attend five Christmas parties, visit with dozens of friends, and buy a new car. There's a lot of strength there between the two of us.

Last night we visited with his old college friend, Ed, and his wife Jackie. Such lovely, interesting people! They live in a modern home filled with art and artifacts from a lifetime of travel and living abroad. They converse easily and intelligently on an array of subjects, and between the two of them, converse in French, Jackie's native tongue. A variety of magazines and newspapers are stacked in the recently arrived mail, demonstrating the scope of their interests, and the bookshelves throughout the house are chocked full. When I grow up, I want to be as interesting as they are. :-)

Heart Issues

2011-11-22T16:49:00.000-05:00

“You’re a very lucky man.” Those words, coming from a cardiologist at Duke University Hospital, carry weight. “Most people who experience what you did last night are not alive this morning.”

Since we came in Friday night, Ben has been catheterized, MRI’d, and echocardiogrammed in an effort to find out why his heart rate was almost 300 beats per minute. They still aren’t quite sure they know the answer to that one exactly. But in the process of looking for an explanation, they discovered a lot. So much, in fact, that as I type this, Ben is in surgery for a double bypass AND mitral valve repair or replacement, a 6 hour open-heart procedure.

There’s nothing like a real life trauma to throw things into perspective. I rearranged my schedule -- thanks to the kindness of my classmates, supervisor, professors, parents, kids, and friends -- so that I could remain up here in Durham. I’ve assumed responsibilities and questioned doctors and met Ben’s friends and daughter and talked with his ex-wife (we’ve even been texting today!). I’ve laughed my head off, and cried, and worried. I’ve felt strong, and weak. I’ve been glad to be here, and I’ve wished I were anywhere else. But mainly I’ve just been grateful. Grateful at the opportunity to know someone in a completely different way….there’s nothing like this to reveal facets of a person! Grateful at the providence that put us at Duke when this happened and for the world-class cardiovascular surgeon who is working on him now (his "clinical interests" are listed as cardiac transplantation, left ventricular assist devices, adult cardiac surgery, and mitral valve surgery). Grateful that undetected problems could come to light and be addressed. Grateful for life.

Issues of Life and Death

2011-11-21T20:25:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to process my life right now. So, as I tend to do, I do this by writing about it. I haven't written since August, and here it is November. I've been living life. It's been busy and full and happy. Although the divorce process has been lingering now for going on three years, I've felt the internal shift that has allowed me to make peace with the process while moving forward. As part of my Beth 2.0 strategy for approaching life -- embracing and fully living the life I'm in (which right now means "Student") -- I bought tickets to all the Clemson home football games. I've started dating. I've started enjoying the fruits of regular exercise (running, no less! I hate running!, and biking) and losing weight and eating healthy. I've traveled; I've said yes to opportunities; I've danced. I cannot remember feeling quite so alive.

This weekend was supposed to be very busy and full and happy... I was supposed to go to Durham with Ben, whom I've been dating for two months. He moved to Spartanburg on Labor Day to take a new job, and met me about a week later. We've done lots of stuff together, and have had a great time getting to know each other. As a Duke grad, he was over-the-moon to take me to a Duke basketball game (vs. Davidson) and -- less enthusiastically, after having experienced Clemson Tiger football! -- a Duke football game (vs. Ga Tech, who beat Clemson!) We were going to meet his older daughter, who is a freshman at Duke, and we were going to swing by High Point to take Mackenzie and Courtney to lunch. Then we were going to have a few days back at work/real life, before diving into Thanksgiving with both feet. Next weekend I had won the grad student lottery to get tickets to the USC/Clemson game, and we were going to wind up the holiday weekend with a trip to Columbia for that.

That's how it was supposed to go.

And that IS how it started out. We jumped in his Jeep on Friday afternoon, to meet with his friends in Durham, Ed and Jackie, for the game. We arrived a little late, but within the first quarter found our seats in Cameron. It was a historic game, because after the game Coach K was feted for his 903 win... the win that made him the winningest basketball coach ever. Following that ceremony, we met up with his daughter Liz and some of her friends. We took them to the Panda Express. The evening was unusually cold, and we had a long way to walk following dinner. Ben started gasping a little, blaming it on the cold and a bit of asthma. We got in the car, turned on the heat, and pulled out of the lot. Suddenly he stopped the car, and began gasping. I asked if he wanted me to drive...no, it would be fine; he was just a little winded, and the car was feeling kinda hot. He began sweating, along his temples and cheeks. He became cranky. He thought maybe he was hyperventilating...after all it was cold, and then the car was hot, and after all, we had walked a long way. When we got where we were staying, he got out of the car and doubled over. If only he could lie on the sofa and catch his breath, he surmised, he would feel better. If only he could take a few aspirin, because he was developing a headache. If only his heart would stop racing...

When EMS arrived, they calmly warned him how much the defibrillator would hurt, and then they applied it. He screamed. I started the self-talk: You need to remember to bring a change of clothes; You need to find his insurance card; You need to stay calm. The EMS asked me to fill out the forms: What WAS his Social Security number? I certainly didn't know. What WAS his birthdate? I didn't know. I'm just the girlfriend of a few months. I'm not the wife, or even the ex-wife. I'm just someone who thought we were going to have a fun weekend of sports and family.

They shocked him again. This time, he knew what it would feel like. This time the EMT stepped in front of me, suggesting I really didn't need to see this happening. Ben screamed again, and I began to cry. Ben began looking very glassy eyed. He looked vaguely at me and said something about not being ready to give up the fight. What response could I give? What do I know? What context do I have for understanding what is happening? Surely, this was happening to someone else. Not to Ben. Not to me.

But they loaded him on the stretcher, and began giving me directions to follow them to the hospital. I did, as if it was my own life dependent on getting it right. I sat in the waiting room, until they called for "Mrs. Howell". I'm not Mrs. Howell, I explained.

Paragliding

2011-08-22T22:23:00.000-04:00

Cruise: Day 7

2011-06-12T22:09:00.000-04:00

As the cruise wound down to a close, I was ready for a day of sun and relaxation in Palma de Mallorca. I did travel into the city centre to get a carry-on bag, and being there reminded me of being in Milan, or La Jolla, or Boca Raton, but on a smaller scale. These were the beautiful people. There were tourists, of course; but beyond your average tourist, there was a sense of style, and wealth, and love of the finer things, which permeated the city center. Gucci, Prada, et al. all had storefronts, and if you entered the store (looking, as I’m sure I did, the tourist) you were not spoken to. After finding my bag, and snatching a surreptitious squirt of fragrance sample, I got a gelato for lunch and made my way back to the ship. There, I spend my remaining onboard time at the pool, listening to the band, talking with fellow passengers, posting my photos, and adding a bit more blush to my sunburn. It was delightful. We said goodbye to Scott, who had been great company around the pool, at meals, at the shows, and on the dance floor. We disembarked just before 4:00, where we boarded the transfer bus to the airport.

The flight home was (as most Thomson flights are, we learned) filled with young children. It was THE loudest flight ever. However, I sat beside a delightful widow named Mary from Chester, and, through all the commotion of the children, we talked about life. How unexpected it can be. How, no matter what it throws you, you choose what you make of it. How you never know what adventure it will offer you next. How utterly wonderful it is.

Cruise: Day 6

2011-06-12T22:02:00.000-04:00

Because I had spent a week in Spain before on vacation, on the coast and in Barcelona, I chose to use our port day in Spain to explore Girona. My excursion advisor told me I would love it, and that I could easily do it on my own, without paying for an excursion. So without a map, without a guidebook, without any advance research or planning (so unlike me!) I set out. The first bus was at 10:20, so I wandered the early morning streets of Palamos as the shopkeepers were cleaning and preparing for the day. I came across a beautiful old Gothic cathedral (built 1439-1521, according to the sign). The door was unlocked and the interior was completely still. Because some small candles flickered around the room, I knew I wasn’t the first in here this morning. But for a brief few moments, I was alone with my thoughts, with God, in the quiet. It was a lovely start to the day.
Leaving the church, I found the bus station, and briefly struck up a conversation with one couple from the cruise ship. There were no other cruise passengers, so we began chatting as we boarded the bus. Quickly, Richard (from Middlesex), his partner Marzena (Mar-ZZHAY-na,) from Poland, and I became traveling buddies. We discussed American politics, higher education in England, health care, unemployment, travel destinations, growing up Polish, … with the exception of religion, we pretty much solved the world’s problems on the bus to Girona.
By the time we arrived an hour later, we felt like old friends.

We didn’t have any guidebooks, and only a tourist map, but the three of us stayed together to see what there was to see. I still don’t know exactly what I saw. But it was fabulous. We wandered cobblestone alleys and took photos of each other everywhere. We found our way to the Arab baths, built in the 11th century, and almost completely intact today. We ambled through the Jewish quarter. We climbed up the “Passaig Archaeologique” – is it a fortress? Is it a castle? Is it a monastery? – and discovered hidden gems: gardens, vistas, gracefully rendered architecture. We even discovered a stone toilet built into the city wall, which by that time Richard could almost be convinced to take advantage of. We walked along the ‘Great Wall of Girona’ (Never heard of it? Well, it’s there.) Sensing the desperation for facilities, and not finding them where they were marked on a map, we deferred to Marzena’s direction into an art museum, where we found clean modern bathrooms.

By this time, we were ready for tapas and wine. We stopped at a café along the Rambla and shared lives and stories and laughs. It began to rain and we followed our internal navigation system back to the bus station, where the line for tickets was too long for me to get a return ticket (they had bought round trip, but I had not.) So I made the decision to travel sans billet, and my partners in crime aided and abetted me, even offering me fresh fruit from the ship’s morning buffet that they had absconded with.

After our arrival at the ship, they invited me to dinner and the show with them later that evening. All in all, it was a lovely day, with lovely people.

Cruise: Day 5

2011-06-12T01:44:00.000-04:00

Corsica. I've never even given Corsica a thought. I think I knew it was the birthplace of Napoleon, but I think that's been the extent of my knowledge. I'm not sure I even knew whether it was French or Italian. But now, I can say I have been to Corsica, and it is charming. It's French, for starters (although there is a Corsican language, and culturally it remains very Italian). And it is clean. There are no industries in Corsica, so no pollution. The air there smells fresh. I'm not sure, aside from tourism what they DO there, though. Because the climate/air is so good, they produce essential oils from herbs that grow in the macquis (the canopy of forest containing cork trees, oaks, eucalyptis, pines, and shrubs.) Corsica was pretty wiped out in the World Wars, losing so many men that the women left the island as well. I learned about one of the greatest of European leaders -- a man I'd never heard of -- Pasqualle di Paoli. He was a freedom fighter who drafted a constitution for the island that inspired the US Sons of Liberty. He gave the right to vote to women in the 1700s. 5 US towns are named after him. He inspires resistance today to the rule of France. Learn something new every day.
Corsica is the kind of place I'd want to live if I were a writer and wanted to get away from it all to devote myself to writing. Or if I were wanting to improve my French, without the fast pace of life on the mainland. Or if I wanted to live somewhere that I could be sunning on the Mediterranean one minute, and biking up steep switchbacks in the forest the next minute. But it is a poor country, and one where nationalist resistance is high ... so I probably wouldn't choose it as a retirement destination. But as a cruise stop? Lovely.

Cruise: Day 4

2011-06-12T01:06:00.000-04:00

Another Clemson student is working an internship in Rome this summer, and we laid plans early on that we wanted to visit Maja there. So the cruise stop in Civitivecchia allowed us the opportunity to spend a day with her. We disembarked Wednesday and found our way to the train station to catch an early train to Rome, along with, apparently, the rest of the population. There were no seats available so we stood in the passageway between cars. At each stop, more people would pile into the train. Three dozen people in the space of, oh, a typical bathroom-sized space, all trying to avoid making eye contact with each other, while holding onto their wallets. At the last stop before Rome, I found myself belly to belly with a rotund gentleman, about 9 inches shorter than me, with an inch of cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Thankfully, he put the cigarette stub in his pocket (for later, I guess). But yeah. I was glad to arrive in Rome.
We found Maja and a friend at the McDonald's as we planned. Anders, a Norweigan guy visiting in Rome himself, was great fun and good company/conversation and made it a pleasant foursome. Then started our Amazing Day in Rome. In the space of under six hours, we somehow managed to tour the Coliseum, sip wine, throw coins in Trevi Fountain, eat gelato, mug at the Spanish Steps, wander around the Capitoline Hill, visit the Vatican, enjoy a fabulous meal together, and almost miss a train. Basically, it was a perfect, sunny, happy, friendly, whirlwind day in Rome.

Cruise: Day 3

2011-06-12T00:34:00.000-04:00

Having been to Naples before, and having no desire to EVER repeat that experience, I opted for the tour of "Sorrento and the Amalfi Coast". I had asked the tour director which excursions I really shouldn't miss, and which ones he thought I would be least able to arrange on my own, and this is the one he pointed me to. Tabitha went on the "Pompeii & Sorrento" tour. I'm not usually a fan of organized cruise tours, but I'm glad I took the tour director's advice on this one.
First stop was on the roadside to take pictures of the view above Sorrento. Then we pulled into the city, and were given 1.5 hours to wander and explore. I realized that I had left my photo card in the card reader, so needed to find a shop to get a photo card (unless I wanted to endure a day of scenery with no camera...not happening.) So, I wandered the ancient streets until I found a convenience store, and there stood Tabitha. We laughed at running into each other, but parted... she wanted to shop (and came home later with a sweet little messenger bag), but I wanted to just get lost in the maze of streets. I wound up overlooking the port/ocean, and was totally charmed by the views that Sorrento offered up. Having been advised that lemoncello was a major product of Sorrento, and having seen lemon trees everywhere, I decided that my next stop should include a taste. I made my way into the town square to a cafe, where I enjoyed a tall chilled flute of liquid sunshine.
Back on the bus, we crossed a ridge to the other side of the peninsula, the Amalfi side. As we rolled through every village, the tour guide would tell us in his lilting poetic accent about each one. The amazing thing about the coastline is that it presents a different stunning view, around every curve. We stopped to take photos near a man selling lemons and oranges from the back of his truck. The lemons were larger than grapefruits, with thick rinds like those from California. I opted for an orange to eat then and there, and savored the aroma and flavor with every bite.
We arrived in Amalfi, and I opted to get on a boat and see the coast from the sea for about 30 minutes. I was rewarded with even more awe-inspiring views of the beautiful villages and coast. I think my perfect fantasy vacation would include a motorcycle ride down the Amalfi coast, staying in one of the cliff-hanging hotels, drinking lemoncello, and boating/sailing around. Yes, you'd have to be a millionaire to pull it off, but as a fantasy vacation, I'm not sure it could be topped. Back in the village of Amalfi (population 4,000), I visited the cathedral and discovered that it was built in honor of St. Andrew, whose remains are there. After catching a bite to eat, I hopped on the bus to return. Before we could get far though, we found ourselves trapped in a game of chicken with another tour bus among the narrow one-lane streets of one of the villages. It took about 20 minutes for the two busses to maneuver around each other, with about 3/4 inch between the them. They retracted their rearview mirrors to make it possible. We all cheered at the impossibility of the accomplishment.

Cruise: Day 1 & 2

2011-06-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

Cruise days 1 & 2:
Day One was a day at sea. I literally did nothing. I laid on the sundeck, whether it was warm or not (most of the day it was not), and didn’t read, didn’t accomplish one thing. I lived the entire day in my swimsuit, and I am burned to prove it. It was marvelous. It felt like ‘vacation.’
Tabitha and I have not stopped laughing. I can’t imagine a better traveling companion, even if she is neurotic about germs and things that don’t bother me so much. Her conscientiousness means we are never late, never have to wonder what gate we should be at, etc. Tabs is on top of it. We have cracked each other and ourselves up more than I can count, and have waaayy too many inside jokes going. We have laughed on the ship because we realize we do not present an easy category for anyone to put us in, and this does seem to cause a bit of consternation. She’s the age of one of my children, but we hardly look like mother/daughter, or the right age to be simply friends traveling together. She’s black/I’m white. We aren’t lesbians. We are Americans on a ship of solely British citizens. When the ship’s photographer goes to make our photo, he asks “Are you together?” The captain last night hardly knew what to do with us on each side of us; we just don’t make sense. Add to that, Tabs is the only Black woman on the entire ship. The. entire. ship.
Last night was formal night. I made a little shopping trip last week when I learned I was going to go on a cruise, since I certainly didn’t pack cruisewear when I left Greenville. Following dinner, a disco was to follow beginning at midnight. I didn’t really want to stay up so I went in the room and watched a movie to go to sleep. Tabs left at midnight to go to the disco, and returned back in under 10 minutes. She said it was sparsely attended and she felt awkward alone. So (of course) I pulled back on my clothes and we ran down there, and proceeded to dance for two hours. We even made people get out there that weren’t dancing. Tabs and I laughed and laughed because we truly didn’t care one whit what anyone else thought, so we could just lighten up and have fun. "Those Americans! They really do things differently, don’t they?" I could almost hear them thinking. I still haven’t forgiven Tabs for ignoring the guy in the kilt; he really did want to dance with her.
Morning came early and we arrived in Trapani, Sicily. Tabs would probably have slept later, but I was ready to go. Having done absolutely nothing the previous day meant that I wanted to see what there was to see. So we hailed a cab to take us to the funicular up to the walled city of Erice, high above Trapani.
Our day was golden. Although it was rainy early, skies cleared up and we walked all over the town, through churches, lost on meandering roads, avoiding as much as possible the tourist groups. After about four churches, we decided to go visit the archaeological site “the castle of Venus”. It presented the best views of the day. Although a strict monotheist myself, I confess I did toss a small offering of change over the cliff. It’s Venus, after all, the goddess of love, and I figured I didn’t want her on my bad side.
Before we headed back down the mountain, I was getting hungry. Neither of us felt like a tourist restaurant, and I told her, “I want a REAL Sicilian meal, down to a REAL gorgeous Italian waiter to be solicitous of my every wish.” We found an upstairs-level restaurant that didn’t seem to be frequented with too many tourists. We turned to be seated and there stood… exactly whom I had wished for. Some days, I guess I’m just lucky that way. Maybe it was the coins to Venus. Who knows? But we had the best Italian meal, with ‘scenery’, that I’ve ever had: fresh pasta, fresh pesto, Sicilian beef with couscous, wine, cannoli, real coffee from a little cup with perfectly whipped froth (after weeks of Nescafe as the norm). We left a good tip, because, well, incredibly attentive, attractive men don’t fall from the sky every day now, do they?

Tabitha and me at the Castle of Venus:

Leaving tomorrow

2011-06-03T14:31:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been a terrible blogger. I'm more of a photo person, and uploading photos has been spotty. So I just haven't done anything! But I'm on the eve of leaving and I'm having all sorts of thoughts swirling around.

Temperatures finally warmed up today, and I went bike riding. It wasn't such a long ride, a few miles from one end of town, to the center of town, and back. But it allowed me to see new sights and process my visit a bit. I've been down a bit this week: stuff going on at home in my absence; being in a house with whining kids and an unhappy couple; missing my own kids; a bit of loneliness; cold weather; no break-a-sweat exercise; gray skies. I couldn't really put my finger on what was causing me to feel so blue. But today, riding along a shady creek, listening to the rhythm of the pedals, it all started falling together.

I'm going to miss this place. I like the people I work with. If I were to live here I would enjoy working with them. I like the city. Other than the dreadful weather they've had this month, it's a pretty nice city to live in. I haven't had to drive, but have relied on public transportation (and the kindness of strangers) to schlep me around. I like hearing words like "frock" and "lovely" (pronounced loof-lay) and "fancy" (as in, I rather fancy curry), and I've liked learning new words (such as chav and fascinator and invigilation) and new customs. I met Jayne in the salon, David in the coffee shop, Jo in the office, Peter & John at the pub, Ana and Julian and Liz at work, Fr. Kevin at church, Lisa at the house ... all people I'd probably like to hang out with, if this were my 'real' life. I've loved going and doing and seeing and exploring: York, London, Liverpool, Derbyshire, Castleton. So I'm going to miss the life I've briefly created over here. It's been just a hiccup of time in my life, but it's been one I've enjoyed. It's not been without challenges, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

I love my real life. I love working/studying at Clemson, and my family and friends back home. I love my house, and my dog, and my neighbors. I adore my children. I love Greenville, and the US. But there's a sense in which it is a privilege to have a 'hiccup' in life -- an interval where taken out of your element, you make it your own. That's what I've done. I'm proud of the work I've done here. I'm happy with the life I've forged here, even if it's been just for a month.

Weekend in London

2011-05-23T16:23:00.000-04:00

We got up in plenty of time to get to the train station. I packed my backpack for the weekend, ate two pieces of toast and set out with Tabitha. As we approached the bottom of the hill we saw the #120 driving past. No worries…another one will be by soon. So when we boarded the next bus we still had adequate time. As we disembarked I saw a clock (we have no timepieces except Tab’s iPhone) and realized it was 10:15 and it left at 10:27. No worries…we had prebooked the ticket and just had to pick it up at the kiosk, and it’s a small station. But of course, the kiosk wouldn’t work with our credit cards (we are both having a lot of trouble with that) and we had to wait for an attendant. Thankfully, there was another train that left at 10:35, and we made that one instead.

I sat across from a young guy with a red/blue rep tie and very polished black oxforda who was talking quietly to himself. I pegged him for a lawyer going to London for a case. It turns out he was a lawyer who was going to London for a job interview, and he was going through his answers. We talked for awhile and he got his jitters out. Before long he was on his way to his interview, and Tab and I were hitting London.
We picked up an Oyster card for the public transit, and went to a hotel-finding service. After haggling with Ivalyo of Bulgaria for awhile over the price, and after he threw in breakfast, we settled on the Rockmont as inexpensive enough by London standards, but not sketchy. It was near Victoria station, and Tabitha liked its proximity to the Queen. With me navigating we made one wrong turn, but realized it fairly quickly, and before too long we arrived.
Tabs and I split up for the rest of the day. She went to the Tower of London for the afternoon, and I went to the Tate museums. Although I enjoyed the pre-Raphaelites and the Turners, I was underwhelmed. It seemed like the collection was small in the kinds of works I really wanted to see. I had seen more pre-Raphaelites in Washington, and more large Turners in Paris. So after awhile I headed for the Westminster tube stop in order to get the subway to the Tate Modern. However, while at Westminster, I decided to wander around a little and get a few shots of Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. As I approached Westminster Abbey (closed to visitors) I noticed a that it was almost time for Evensong. So I decided to stay for the service. I got to listen to those lovely choir voices, heard at the Royal Wedding, fill Westminster. The acoustics were phenomenal. It was such a treat.
I made my way over to the Tate Modern. I really just wanted to see it, housed in a a converted electrical building. I’m not a huge modern art person, but I did see several big names in the modern art movement…. May Ray, Gerhardt Richter, Mark Rothko, Picasso, etc. But only rarely does modern art move me (especially countered against the choir voices at Westminster), and so I didn’t stay long.
Tabitha and I met up at the hotel room for dinner. We just walked down the street to a Cyprian restaurant and it was fabulous. We shared a plate of delicious Yogurtlu Tavuklu Beyti and called it an early night.
Saturday we enjoyed a fabulous breakfast, where we sat next to a nice Australian couple from the Gold Coast. Of course, since Grayson lived in Surfer’s Paradise on the Gold Coast, we had an immediate connection and visited for a long while. After breakfast we tried to make some travel arrangements but without much success. So then we left for the day and went to Buckingham Palace and saw the changing of the guard. From there we walked up the red road to the Wellington Arch, and to the Houses of Parliament. After lunch, we walked through Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens, to Notting Hill. Tab’s knee had been getting increasingly more painful for her over the day, and I feared she wasn’t going to make it to Portobello Road. Obviously the bargains and shopping there got the best of her, and she forgot her knee momentarily. After an unremarkable dinner, we thought we’d go out on the town. However, with little entertainment budget, we wandered around Carnaby Street and people watched. In the subway station, we were going down the escalator while a woman (who otherwise looked sane) was trying desperately to go up the down stairs. Not sure how that ended up working for her but we heard her clomping up the risers until we boarded the train. We got a good chuckle out of it.

Sunday, we had another great breakfast and decided to hit a museum. I had never been to the Victoria & Albert, and Tabitha didn’t care. (She had seen Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament, and the London Eye. She was satisfied.) Some of the V&A was tedious (really? An entire wing of ‘Ironwork’?) but there were some really great aspects. One was the amazing jewelry collection. The other were the two exhibitions going on. Tabitha went to Yohji Yamamoto’s fashion exhibition, and came away inspired to pull out the sewing machine and sign up for Project Runway. I went to The Cult of Beauty, a magnificent exhibition of the pre-Raphaelites. Lots of my faves were there: Burne-Jones, Alma-Tadema, Rosetti, Whistler, Leighton, William Morris, Julia Cameron, etc. It more than made up for the dearth at the Tate (and maybe that's where the Tate ones were hiding!)

We visited over lunch with an elderly London couple; she remarked that she had an American Army boyfriend during the war and I asked, “His name wasn’t Herb, was it?” Her husband laughed and said, “No, and it’s a good thing. Then I wouldn’t like you so much!” We enjoyed Victoria’s own recipe for sponge cake with strawberry/cream filling, and it was to die for. We left the museum thinking that since it was such a lovely day we should head to a garden and walk. We went to the Chelsea Physic Garden, and on the way passed the Chelsea Flower Show. I would have loved to have had tickets to that! (I bet they let Obama go on Tuesday when he gets there, but for me, they were sold out!) So I can honestly say I went TO the Chelsea Flower Show, but not that I actually went in. ☺ From the Garden we caught the bus back to Victoria Station for our subway to St. Pancras and ‘home’ to Sheffield.

I decided that yes, I could live in London, for 2-3 years but not forever, if I lived in Chelsea or Notting Hill or somewhere like that (high on the quaint factor). So if anyone out there on the internet has a great job opening in London, for an American, I’m all ears!

A peek inside higher ed: Sheffield edition

2011-05-18T18:04:00.000-04:00

If higher ed doesn't interest you neither will this blog post. You've been warned.

I'm learning so much about other ways of doing things. The U of Sheffield is one of the Russell Group schools, the top tier of universities in England, against which they all benchmark each other. It is also one of the 'red brick' universities, Victorian-era schools that leaned away from the liberal arts (as Oxford and Cambridge) and toward research and STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) programs. Being a red brick, Russell Group school means that it does things well. Although their campuses and histories are very different, I see several similarities with Clemson: size of student population, research emphasis, "Top 25", and engaged student bodies, to name a few. The Student Union here is top rated across the UK, and I've been so impressed with it. It is a completely separate entity from the University, completely run and funded by students via their elected representatives. Much of what Clemson (and US universities in general) provides in the way of activities, restaurant venues, student support, facilities, programming... is handled 100% by students here. They hire a manager of the Union, who in this case is very effective in collaborating with the University. Relations between the Student Union and the University are currently professional and cordial and cooperative, but the two are completely distinct. It's an interesting model to observe.

I see a very strong model within the University itself of collaboration and student support. It seems everyone I meet with has a job that requires them at many points to work in conjunction with other departments or people. The silo approach to departments seems not to exist. Maybe I have dug far enough to find it, but it's a very different approach from what I've studied/seen before. Sometimes I fear that on some American campuses, the point of higher ed -- the EDUCATION -- piece, sometimes gets lost, or at least obscured by layers of jargon and programming. I remember at the ACPA conference being stunned by the dearth of actual helpful information about supporting students in their academic studies. Here, a bachelor's degree is achieved in three years, not four, and the academic piece is paramount. To see student affairs at work is to see things revolve around making student's academic life succeed. Some of the functions that student affairs in the States takes on, are handled through the Student Union, and thus for and by students (or those hired by students) themselves.

The project I'm working on here integrates many people and I've tried to take advantage of interviewing as many folks as I can, under the auspices of my project. Really, however, I'm just trying to be a sponge and learn how it is done, what the similarities/differences are, what they see their challenges as. I am catching a glimpse of administration on a large campus in action (as a fly on the wall). It would be nice to think that I could come back to the states and get a job putting these perspectives to use. Here's hoping.

Co-travelers

2011-05-15T17:43:00.000-04:00

These are my fellow interns in Sheffield. We have one other intern in Rome, but I'll have to talk mention her when we visit (hopefully!) In the meantime, it's me, Tabitha and Ryan. They make great traveling companions. Here's why:

Ryan. He gets lost -- a lot-- and so he is happy to let map-fiend (me) and schedule-master (Tabitha) do the navigating and planning. I can't imagine someone more easygoing. He is a good conversationalist, and makes us laugh at his observations. He's smart and curious and well-informed, but happy to just take life as it comes...no axes to grind or anything to prove.

Tabitha. She's uber conscientious. She's wickedly funny. She is always happy to stop for cake, chocolate, coffee, fudge, tea, biscuits, a beer at the pub. If it has to do with food/drink/sweets....she's game. She laughs at me when I trip or ask a stupid question, so I feel quite at home (my kids do the same, so they'd be pleased.) She listens and commiserates well.

Yep, I like my partners in crime.

The joys of walking everywhere

2011-05-14T16:50:00.002-04:00

In the last few days, I've been trying to make sure that I take advantage of free or cheap things to do, to make the most of my time here. There's an element of making up for what I couldn't do this past year at Clemson because of my distance from campus. I always felt that I was having to pass up concerts, get-togethers, sporting events, etc. because I just couldn't stay any longer, or didn't want to cough up the time and gas money every time something happened. Anyway, since I have a bus pass here in Sheffield, and the university seems to always have things going on, I am making an effort.

So besides the neighborhood pubs, the three of us went to a great concert Thursday night held at the university. It was British folk, and the guy was really, really good (Chris Wood). Afterwards, we waited close to an hour for the 'every 10 minutes' bus, and then of course, had the half mile straight uphill walk from the bus stop to our house. Friday we walked down the hill and rode downtown to take in what the city has to offer. We walked to the Weston Park museum, which is about Sheffield history. Then while Ryan and Tabitha did whatever, I went and got my hair cut and colored. Yes, in a strange city I played roulette with my hair. The folks at Wigs & Warpaint did a great job, although because of the crummy exchange rate, it cost a bit more than it would have at home. Met up with them at a coffee shop and walked over to the art museum, which, truth be told, is slim on anything remotely 'must-see'. But we managed to make it fun. Next stop was walking down Ecclesall Road, where folks had said there were nice shops, pubs, etc. So we walked down the road, stopping only at the tattoo parlor, and for me to sample some tiramisu. Then we kept walking what seemed like forever, until we got back home.

I turned around Friday night and went back to campus for a movie. Which, although it was good enough, was about a marriage that was splitting up. So once again, things were a little too close to home. So I thought, very unwisely, I'll just walk downtown and people-watch. Which I did in the 44 degree 'spring-like' weather. Being alone downtown on Friday night was the unwise part. Not from a safety point of view, but just from an emotional one. I realized this pretty quickly, and tried to catch the 'every 10 minute' bus, and once again, had to wait for almost an hour.

However, the people-watching was outstanding at the bus stop. Every girl looked ridiculous. Most teetered on stilletos 4-8" tall, on cobblestones (this is nothing against heels, because I love a pair of beautiful shoes -- but these were just tall to be tall...not beautiful). Most were wearing short dresses (and by the word 'short' I mean, almost covering their butts, but not quite) without sleeves. In 44 degrees. It was then that I realized how very tired I was that young women feel the need to look like street-walkers in order to be seen as attractive. Hopefully the tipping point is being reached, and the pendulum can swing back to something more reasonable. Anyway, I made it back home finally, and tried to get over the feelings of isolation that I was struggling with.

Today, we walked back down to Ecclesall Road and caught the #272 to Castleton. It's in the heart of the Peak District, and was a lovely ride. Once in Castleton, I regretted that I had not packed a parka, scarf, hat, gloves, smartwool socks, and thermal underwear. The rain wasn't too bad, but the wind was driving, and it was cold. But if you walk long enough, you stop noticing how cold you are. And so we walked and walked and walked some more. The English love walking, and there are footpaths to everywhere. We walked up to Peveril Castle, overlooking town, and we walked to the caves outside of town. And then we walked underground. And then we walked back to town, rode the bus, and walked home from Ecc. Rd., yet again.

I was going to go to a Haydn concert tonight, but I am simply walked out.

A little too close to home

2011-05-11T18:14:00.000-04:00

Today I was allowed to sit in on some student financial counseling, with the intention that next week I will myself counsel students whose accounts are in arrears. I was looking forward to getting such direct student contact. The student services administrator I was shadowing went over the three cases we would handle, what kinds of questions she would ask, and what she anticipated would be the outcomes. The first student was well off enough, and was able to pay his fees after all. And the last student was just an issue of timing, but not of need. So those were straightforward cases.

But the woman in the middle was not so simple and clear-cut. She was 15 minutes early for the appointment. Her eyes were so sad. Her husband back in Nigeria had cut off her financial support as their marriage was crumbling. Now, she was here in a foreign country without means. She had scraped up what she could and had received a small amount of hardship aid. She had spoken with family members, and with the community leader who had arranged her marriage. But even if these people came through with the promised help, it would probably not be enough to satisfy her school bill.

She tried so hard to remain composed and with her head held high. But one by one large tears formed and slowly trickled down her cheeks.

I could barely stand it, being on the side of the desk saying 'You must pay this debt' but understanding the position way too well of being the one who is trying to remain strong in the face of rough odds or devastating news. I thought of a family member, who has been in the position of that student. I thought of several friends who have been in that position. They trusted someone to be there for them, and found themselves out in the cold, on their own, left to fend. And I witnessed this woman, at that place in her life, trying desperately to create alternatives out of ashes.

I didn't want to be there. I wished I could have given her a hug, cried alongside her, and offered some kind of assurance that 'it will be alright.' But I needed to be the professional in the situation, and besides, I know better. It might not be alright. She might return to Nigeria without her degree, without a husband, and without options.

So what did I learn today? I learned how incredibly difficult it can be to leave your own junk out of the room; to remain compassionate and empathetic while upholding the realities of rules and regulations; and to look injustice squarely in its tear-filled eyes.

Elizabeth....with a zed.

2011-05-09T18:32:00.000-04:00

I met my new colleagues today and think this will be a great department to work in and learn from. One of the goals I have is to learn how another entire system 'does' higher education. What seems to work better? What do I like about the American system? My overview today shows me that I have much to learn! It is a bit daunting when you realize you can read an entire page of proper English, and have no idea what's been said. Same words, but arranged oddly, or with different meanings, so that while they have an air of familiarity, they don't convey the same ideas. Words such as faculty, modules, program(me)s, bursaries, invigilated are either new to me, or new in the way they are utilised (that's how they spell it here, too.) We cannot even agree on the names of the letters, for heaven's sake. I went to get my ID card, and was asked if I spelled Elizabeth "with an ess or a zed"? Um, I guess, given those options, with a zed.

So much of my day was spent learning how the organizational chart of the university here works. It's a changing thing right now, but at least I received the overview. I admired how the student affairs were left to .... the students. The Student Union is run by students, with student labor and management. It's like a labour union (note the extra u...I'm trying to improve my British spelling), but for students. (They build bars in their unions here...drinking age is 18, and there seems to be less ridiculously immature drinking behavior issues. Most of the disciplinary issues are those relating to academics, like cheating.) Most of the student services department deals more with issues surrounding academic support, whereas it is the Student Union that mans a "Student Advice" desk to address student advocacy.

I learned that the British system of examinations is much different as well. The professors submit their tests to the Examinations Team, who then schedule and oversee the administration of over 45,000 campus exams each year. These 3-week exam period are held at the end of each semester, and then "re-sits" for those who failed the first time around are scheduled for August. They also use their consulate to administrate exams overseas. Examinations are a big deal. I wonder if US faculty would like someone else to administer their exams for them?

Also see that faith development/spiritual life gets more than a cursory nod. More on that later.

I'll have to write more tomorrow since it's so late. Wanted to try to get first impressions down while they are fresh though. I should learn more tomorrow from my supervisor Ana about the project I'll be working on.

Wuthering Heights

2011-05-09T17:49:00.001-04:00

I can't say the word 'moors' without thinking of Wuthering Heights. Not that I read it, mind you. That was the year I got kicked out of high school, and so I missed a bit more than British Literature, truth be told. But 'moors' just sounds like Wuthering Heights. Or like Othello. Either way, it's Brit Lit.
Anyway, I went walking yesterday on the moors. Must have walked five miles or so by the time it was all through. But it was beautiful, and the wind was whipping, the skies were crisp and blue, and all was right with the world up there. OK, most everything was right. There was the unfortunate discovery Tabitha made of a pair of young child's underwear....there are no JiffyJohns on moors. And there was the mental hospital we stumbled upon. OK, it wasn't really, but it seemed like a plausible story. Learned later that it was an old TB sanitarium. And there was the bus stop that had the courtesy to display a nicely printed sign that read "This is no longer a stop." Guess it would have been too much trouble to just remove the stop....gotta give people hope that they've reached the stop, and then crush it. But the swifts and Queen Anne's lace and crumbling stone walls and heath and open vistas... they were lovely. We stopped in at the Three Merry Lads pub (which my Facebook friends have made naughty jokes about). Tabitha ate her third major dessert in 24 hours (but no judgment, really), and I had a latte with Kahlua. Just the thing to warm me up so I could make it to the real bus stop.

Chatsworth House, Derbyshire

2011-05-07T18:38:00.000-04:00

If you have an ounce of a soul in you, you'd probably enjoy Chatsworth House, at least today. Today was filled with gorgeous art and baby animals and gardens and beautiful spaces and flowers. After a WARM night (must have worked to our benefit that I tipped up the furnace) Tabitha and I woke happy. Lisa, our hostess, drove us down to the bus stop to catch the 9:12 to Chatsworth House in Peaks National Park. It is the ancestral (and current) home of the 12th Duke and Dutchess of Devonshire.
After a lovely half hour drive in the countryside, we arrived before opening. We got a cup of coffee/tea and wandered through some shops, then into the gardens surrounding the estate. We lucked into arriving on one of the days of the "Florabundance Festival". Even though it was raining, we walked for several miles admiring all the landscaping and flowers in bloom and baby animals (lambs and ducklings). The home exterior was undergoing some renovations, but the gardens and interiors were still fantastic. The tulips were all in bloom, along with about every other flower you can imagine. It was really incredible. Reminded me a bit of Biltmore House, Versailles... you know, houses and gardens erected by really rich people, who now must let the likes of me inside their homes, in order to pay for them!
We dined at the restaurant and then tackled the house itself. The art collection alone was worth the trip: from Van Dyck, Rembrandt, Franz Hals, and Correggio, to Joshua Reynolds, David Hockney, and Lucien Freud. Then there were the awesome interiors. Then the gorgeous flower arrangements. Just my cup of tea, for sure.

Oh, and be sure to watch the upcoming documentary about Chatsworth House on the BBC. It will feature all three of these feet.

...to the dodgy end...

2011-05-06T19:10:00.000-04:00

Tabitha and I shivered our way through night one. I stayed in bed as long as I could to stay warm. When we both got up, and no one was home, we turned up the heat just a little bit! But of course our dear host Andrew showed up and I was busted! :-) However, the day warmed up and it was absolutely lovely today for strolling around town and checking out our new surroundings. So we walked to the bottom of the hill, boarded the bus into town, and saw what there was to see in downtown Sheffield. Everyone we talked to were like, "You're spending your holiday?...in SHEFFIELD?" Apparently the convention and visitors bureau has not convinced the locals that anyone would want to come here! But we enjoyed ourselves, especially the little coffee shop where we sipped caramel hot chocolate. As the day got late, we boarded the #120 back to our house. But after circling the city center it veered east, rather than west. Gradually, the scenery got dodgier, and we realized that yes, we were on the right bus, but headed in the wrong direction! After learning some valuable transport lessons -- make sure what side of the road you are on! make sure you wave for the driver or he won't stop! -- we were delivered back to the bottom of the hill. We stopped in the pub there to celebrate our arrival. Then climbed Carsick Hill to our home sweet home. Lisa fixed a delicious vegetarian lasagne which we devoured. We sat around planning our weekend adventures. Tomorrow we will travel to the Darcy estate from the Keira Knightly version of Pride and Prejudice, better known as Chatsworth House; at the end of May, Ryan will join us (and maybe Maja??) to fly to Venice!

Same blogger...different country

2011-05-05T13:44:00.001-04:00

Today I landed in Manchester, UK, to begin an internship at the University of Sheffield. However, most sadly, I could not find the cord which connected my camera to my computer, and so haven't a way to upload photos currently, except from Tabitha's camera (where those that follow were taken). I'm going to look to buy a cord here if that's possible. Of course, I still haven't exchanged currency, used an ATM, bought a bus pass, or really done any of the navigating in a new country that I need to.

Tabitha and I arrived here after an uneventful flight. It was the part before the flight that was eventful. My parents dropped us at the airport and we said our goodbyes. Inside, we immediately learned that our baggage was overweight. Not such a big problem for me, as I could carry a makeup bag as my second carry-on, and problem solved. But Tabitha had "weightier" issues: 25 pounds to redistribute, and (Murphy's Law) a busted zipper on her brand new carry-on. Finally after proving that no, we are not terrorists, and about an hour, extra baggage, and lots of discarded toiletries, later, we boarded the flight.
The layover in Atlanta was short. I scarfed down an Arby's as Tabitha tried to hunt down a replacement for the totally worthless Samsonite. As time neared for boarding, I began sending texts: "Hi, I'm leaving the food court." "Hi, where are you?" "The gate is all the way at the end of the concourse. Where are you?" "Our zone is finished boarding! Where are you?????" and finally "I'm on the plane and in a panic." But she made it on, having found unfortunately no luggage to replace the broken zippered tote bag. This was this morning's view out the window:

Jet lag has been my constant companion today. Arriving in Manchester, we navigated our way to the train station and found the train for Sheffield. We called Andrew, our University contact, who picked us up an hour later at the Sheffield platform. He drove us by the University, showing us where we'd be working, and then on to the house we are staying in, high up Carsick Hill, west of the city. The home is lovely... a recently renovated older home with a large (by English standards) lot, 3 darling children, 2 Maine Coon cats (Ra and Isis), and a very kind and accommodating couple. Following leek and potato soup, Tabbs and I both took a long nap. Late afternoon, we walked down the hill to the bus stop, and did a bit of shopping (replacing those discarded toiletries). It is election day here in England:

Hopefully by tomorrow we will have our beauty sleep, and be ready to tackle to bus system, touring around downtown, and getting our local bearings.
So far, these are my observations:
1. It's colder here. Colder in the house, colder outside. I hope I brought enough warm non-work clothes.
2. I want a Maine Coon cat.
3. Even the houses where they wouldn't claim to have a gardener, look quaint and brimming with landscaping. Just on our short walk, we saw peonies, lilacs, columbine, tulips, rhododendron, roses, and about two dozen other plants I don't know... all in bloom.
4. I should have amazing calves by the time I've climbed Carsick Hill daily for 6 weeks. This is a sign posted along the not-very-steep section:

View across Presbyterian

2011-01-17T18:54:00.000-05:00

Today, I began my practicum at Presbyterian College. I hardly had time to breathe, so this was the only shot I took all day, the view from my office window across to the library. Interesting to have regular contact with three universities and to be able to compare how they do things: Clemson (pop: 14,400, 70% from SC), High Point (pop: 3300 from 46 states and 51 countries), and Presbyterian (pop: 1200, 97% residential).

T

2011-01-17T18:43:00.000-05:00

Yep, they called a technical.

Sunshine on snow

2011-01-14T11:55:00.000-05:00

I looked out the window and was struck by how happy the shadows on the porch made me. Madge must agree.

Meditative Me

2011-01-14T11:52:00.001-05:00

This is a sculpture, given me by a friend, to honor my spiritual journey.

I think it is supposed to be Mary Magdalen in the garden. Whoever it is, she reminds me of my meditative self. This Self hasn't been around in awhile, and I miss Her. I hope I can spend some time this weekend reconnecting with Her. I gain so much from meditation, it just seems to be one of the first things to go, along with exercise, when I'm dealing with life. But like exercise, it gives back much more than it takes.

You don't want to go down there...

2011-01-14T11:48:00.000-05:00

Over the winter one half of my neighborhood is cut off from the other because of the rebuilding of the bridge.

Not that I'm complaining...the old bridge was built of toothpicks. But it makes walking the dog to our usual spot difficult, unless we feel like running across a water pipe. And it makes driving the direct route to many of my regular places impossible. But in this ice, it could really be dangerous to turn down this street!

An Apple man, naturally

2011-01-14T11:43:00.000-05:00

I've gotten lazy with my 365 over the last week. Something about being snowed in has made it ok to neglect. But snow is melting and I need to get cracking. Here's how I see my dad a lot. He's coming up on 86, but he is up-to-date on computer stuff. He loves checking in on Facebook to keep up with people. He watches his grandson's game online. He emails his friends.

He's pretty hip.

Snow day!

2011-01-10T11:54:00.000-05:00

Zeus illustrates just how excited EVERYONE is about snow in the south!

I ♥ my cat

2011-01-09T20:37:00.000-05:00

Actually, my own cat is on my hit list, after chewing my laptop power cord in half.
Saw this bit of graffiti on my walk yesterday.

Swamp Rabbit Trail

2011-01-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

Zeus, Kati and I went walking today along the Swamp Rabbit Trail. It's a 12+ mile trail along an old railbed, so the scenery is often industrial and sketchy. But the trail is bringing life and visitors to a side of town that has needed it. Even though it was 32 degrees out the trail was full of bikers and walkers and dogs. This was one of the scenes along the route.

Trivia Night

2011-01-08T05:39:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, Kati and I met Adam for trivia night downtown. Thank goodness for Adam, because one round was all song lyrics. Can't say we exactly dominated, but we had fun.

Centennial Oak

2011-01-06T20:04:00.000-05:00

63 feet tall. 16 feet circumference. 60" trunk diameter. 141' spread.

Blue Star mom

2011-01-05T19:51:00.000-05:00

Students aren't back yet, so the campus is pretty empty. Certainly, the dorms are. Today the sky was gray, and so I thought this shot captured the feeling of coldness and emptiness. But then I noticed the little blue star in one of the windows, and that made me think of Gray. I talked to him today for a short while. He spent midnight on New Year's Eve in a helicopter above Afghanistan. Talk about cold and empty.

WOOF

2011-01-04T19:40:00.000-05:00

This is my mantel at Christmas. It's kinda -- no, VERY -- plain compared to the mantels I've done in the past, but it's a happy one for me. Kinda hate to see the stockings taken down.

Back to the salt mines....

2011-01-04T19:31:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day back at work, and here's the view of my cave from where I sit. I spent the day cleaning out files and e-mail, and trying to get back in the groove.

Everybody's happy at the Apple store

2011-01-02T22:18:00.000-05:00

...most of all me. My power cord died, and thanks to Apple Care, they just swapped out a new one. First problem of 2011: solved. If only they will all be this easy!

The Lottery Virgins

2011-01-01T23:49:00.000-05:00

Take two twenty-somethings and two forty-somethings, none of whom have ever bought a lottery ticket, and here's what you have on New Year's Day. Between football games we drove to the gas station and plunked down a few bucks for a chance at winning!

Zeus in snowy dog heaven

2010-12-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

White Christmas!!

2010-12-25T23:11:00.002-05:00

First time it has snowed on Christmas Day in my lifetime. THAT'S something to record!

Hospitality suite

2010-12-24T04:05:00.003-05:00

M. played at UGA this week. Kati (our former German exchange student from 2003, visiting this Christmas) and I drove down to Athens and arrived about an hour early. We parked and found a rear entrance to the stadium by the parking garage. After wandering around in the building we found a security guard and asked how to get to the colosseum. She said it would open in a few minutes but pointed us to the 'hospitality suite'. I asked what she meant. "Oh, you can go in there and get some dinner!" "Really?" I asked. She assured me to go on in. So Kati and I went to the hospitality suite. And ate to our hearts content, though I did have the decency to cover up my purple and black sweater, surrounded as we were by a sea of red. For of course, the hospitality suite was filled with UGA supporters (and one assumes, donors). Between laughing ourselves silly, we took pictures to document our security-guard-approved party-crashing.

Then we went in the colosseum, saw that our tickets were in the nosebleed section, and promptly went down to the second row. In a few minutes a nice genteleman arrived, stating that we were in his seat, but that he owned the whole row and were welcome to stay in the seats if he could just have the aisle. Then during the game a fan across the court kept yelling to "Put in Moses!" Have no idea who he was, or why he decided to petition for M, but eventually he did get a few minutes of playing time. (It was especially cool to watch the game later, recorded on ESPN, and see him on TV!)

So thank you UGA fans for all your hospitality and support!

Why is it when your kids are doing something....

2010-12-19T18:09:00.002-05:00

....that you can't take your eyes off them? When Chelsea was Baloo or Titania in the play; when Clark was on the football field or in the chorus; when Grayson was in the Mr. Eastside pageant or running crosscountry; when Mackenzie was on the court or part of the homecoming court.... I have absolutely no memories of anyone else! All I can do is watch my child in wonder, love, and admiration. It was that way last night....Mack's team played against Wofford. Even though he was only in for 44 seconds of the game, he's the player I watched the most.

Ho Ho Holidays

2010-12-16T07:15:00.002-05:00

The Christmas party season is well underway. Tuesday night brought Kathy's annual girlfriend party. The only man in the place is our bartender Matt, the perfect bartender. He tells everyone how great they look, keeps everybody's glass filled, and poses for photos with everyone.

Looking forward

2010-12-14T18:19:00.004-05:00

Ups and downs rattle your teeth for awhile, but eventually, you settle into whatever reality looks like. That's where I'm at. My teeth are rattling a little, but I am looking forward to the road smoothing out into a new normal. I was recently chosen with 2 others from my program to work in England this spring. Tabitha (pictured with me) and Ryan and I will go to the University of Sheffield, and work in Student Affairs there for 5 weeks. By then, I hope I'll have Grayson back from Afghanistan, the 2 year divorce over, and be able to really have a great time, without worries.

A tough day ahead

2010-12-13T07:05:00.004-05:00

This is how my day started today.

I can't stop crying after reading today's headline, after just talking to Gray last night. This is where he is. I can't bear these sad headlines. But I've got to stop crying, because I have to be in the dentist's chair at 9. And then my day really goes downhill, with a temporary hearing at noon. Most days I love and celebrate, but today seems like a rough one brewing. I want to find something today to celebrate and appreciate. Please God.

How my day started!

2010-12-13T00:43:00.003-05:00

I'm lucky to have some of the best friends on earth. Seriously. Old, new. Young, old. Married, single. I love them.
So this weekend I went up to Asheville to celebrate my old friend (as in, she's been my friend a long time) Beth's birthday. Her hubby Steve has also been my friend for 30 years. And joining us was a new friend, Kingsley, whom I met last year. We dined at the Biltmore House, and ate scrumptious food. I spent the night with them, and awoke to snow! Beth served a lovely breakfast and we visited this morning. I returned to a dog who was happy to see me -- another of my good friends. I went to a friend's birthday party, then relaxed with another friend to watch Dan in Real Life (my favorite Steve Carrell role). Wrapped up the night with a Skype with my favorite Marine and a few phone calls with other friends.

I am grateful tonight for friendships that last across time, across distance, across grief and loss and misfortune.

Thanksgiving in the midst of camping out

2010-11-24T18:28:00.003-05:00

I took this picture earlier in the season at Clemson while I was waiting at the bus stop. I forget which game they were camped out to get tickets for. I just remember thinking how serious they must be about wanting to see the game, to camp for several days there on the concrete!
As I contemplate Thanksgiving this year, I recall this photo. I feel these days like someone living in a tent, on concrete, with a lot of time to kill, on view for all to see and make comment on as they walk past. I feel like I'm in this suspended time, waiting to get my ticket. And then what? It's easy to be thankful when you're propped up on a comfy sofa in a climate-controlled home. But when you are in transition, when the 'comfy' is gone, it can be harder to be thankful. The benefits are less obvious; when I concentrate though, I see them. I live a more centered life, a painfully clarified one. I have some dear friends and family willing to enter the tent with me and make sure I'm OK. I have been propelled to achieve things I hadn't ever gotten around to before. I have a sense of divine presence with me. I have the strength of inner conviction informing my actions. So while I may not have all the things of the past, while I may be missing the social and relational aspects of the life I once had... I can still say I am blessed. And for that, I AM thankful.

Perfect Day

2010-11-21T19:27:00.010-05:00

Somewhere about 3:00 today, I realized this was one of those days. Everything was good. Good breakfast. Time spent painting. Time spent hiking and meditating. Time spent staring up at the beautiful blue sky, in my favorite season, in the 70 degree weather, wearing shorts, watching the last of the leaves fall. Did the Sunday crossword. Talked with a friend.
I'm grateful for every day. But I really do appreciate the perfect ones.

Just for history

2010-11-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

I don't have many pictures this year, and even less of myself! But I'm putting a few out here. It's been a tough year, but I like the current trajectory being in a positive direction.

From the Mountains to the Coast

2010-04-26T01:01:00.008-04:00

"Come on," Beth said. "It will be fun." How many crazy ideas start that way? My friend had just suggested that we, two middle-aged Rubenesque women, should bike across the state of South Carolina. Never mind that we weren't bikers, nor that we had the right equipment, nor that we had ever biked across the neighborhood, much less the state. It would be fun.

Today marked the end of this three-day adventure, that had been six months in the making. We had been riding every week, building stamina according to some kind of training regimen that, Beth promised, would prepare us for the 270 mile trek. Theoretically we were also supposed to be going to the gym and training between rides, but I conveniently forgot that part most weeks. I did a little yoga when it was convenient, but otherwise, I relied on our weekly rides to condition me.

Tonight we arrived at Folly Beach, having left at the NC/SC state line just two days earlier. By leapfrogging each other, we took 10 mile segments, one riding while the other rested. On Day Two, her daughter Laura joined the team and added a shot of energy and endurance to the effort. Ten miles at a time we made it. We rode in the rain and wind. We waited out thunderstorms. We stuck it out when it seemed tedious, or onerous. We laughed a lot and encouraged each other every leg of the way. We faced a few dogs, lots of vultures, a possum playing possum, a friendly neighborhood shotgun incident, and getting lost. We smelled every kind of roadkill --possum, squirrel, frogs, vulture, snake, armadillo, deer, alligator, and many, many unidentifiable creatures -- and Beth even contributed (twice!!) to creating some. We noticed many plants in bloom: bachelor buttons, red clover, blackberries, wild roses, trumpet vine, wild iris. We noted roadsigns we would never have noticed if we weren't forced to slow down and read them: Do Right Lane, Peach Leaf Curl Road, Redemption Way. We learned how the topography and ecology and local flavor of the counties -- Greenville, Laurens, Greenwood, Saluda, Aiken, Orangeburg, Dorchester, Charleston -- differed from one another. We learned, if we had forgotten, that there are lots of ways to live happily. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most beautiful and satisfying... even just a long weekend, spent on a bike with a friend.

And she was right. It was fun.

So close to home

2010-04-26T00:52:00.003-04:00

Thanks to Ruthie at synch-ro-ni-zing for this poem.

BECOMING MILTON
by Coleman Barks

Milton, the airport driver, retired now
from trucking, who ferried me
from the Greenville-Spartanburg airport
to Athens last Sunday midnight to 2:30 A.M.,
tells me about his son, Tom, just back
from the Gulf war. "He's at Fort Stewart
with the 102nd Mechanized, the first tank unit
over the line, not a shot fired at them.
His job was to check the Iraqi tanks
that the airstrikes hit, hundreds of them.
The boy had never even come up on a car accident
here at home, twenty-four years old. Can you
imagine what he lifted the lid to find?
Three helmets with heads in them staring
from the floor, and that's just one tank.
He has screaming flashbacks, can't talk about it
anymore. I just told him to be strong
and put it out of his mind. With time,
if you stay strong, those things'll go away.
Or they'd find a bunker, one of those holes
they hid in, and yell something in American,
and wait a minute, and then roll grenades in
and check it and find nineteen freshly killed guys,
some sixty, some fourteen, real thin.
They were just too scared to move.
He feels pretty bad about it, truthfully,
all this yellow ribbon celebrating.
It wasn't a war really. I mean, he says
it was just piles and piles of their bodies.
Some of his friends got sick, started vomiting,
and had to be walked back to the rear.
Looks like to me it could have been worked
some other way. My boy came through OK,
but he won't go back, I'll tell you that.
He's getting out as soon as he can.
First chance comes, he'll be in Greenville
selling cars, or fixing them. He's good at both.
Pretty good carpenter too, you know how I know?
He'll tear the whole thing out if it's not right
and start over. There's some that'll look
at a board that's not flush and say shit,
nail it, but he can't do that, Tom."

Where's my ark?

2009-11-11T19:50:00.004-05:00

This is what greeted me behind in the back of my place this morning:

Zeus wonders where the nature trail went:

Really? I mean, REALLY?

2009-11-08T20:50:00.002-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think God wants me to win. I mean, win what? And what if the guy in the car behind me is on the other side? Does God really waste his time picking sides? Jesus seems to suggest a different idea about winning and losing anyway... "whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it."

Living History

2009-11-07T22:49:00.003-05:00

The Upstate History Museum opened an exhibit this morning entitled "Weaving Our Survival: Upcountry Stories of WWII". The exhibit features many oral histories, and my dad is one whose interviews are featured in the exhibit's interactive narration stations. He describes growing up in the Depression, signing up for the war, liberating concentration camps, Dachau, returning home, and how the war changed the course of his life. Of course, the editors had to leave out much of his 2 hour interview, but the portions they used are wonderful. They even used a quote from his interview to highlight on the wall of the exhibit:
"It's like you'd gone to hell, you know. And you had been really."

Kyle's Living Room

2009-11-07T22:40:00.002-05:00

I love going to Open Studios every year. Over a hundred local artists open up their studios -- whether they are in their homes, garages, whatever -- for the public to come in and visit. It's a great chance to meet new people, learn about art and get exposed to local artists, and enjoy the great fall weather. Last night I visited Dabney's and Kyle's studios. I love Kyle's eclectic sense of decorating, her whimsy, her artwork, and her dear personality.

Unexpected Drive

2009-11-07T22:38:00.001-05:00

Wonder what goes on at the end of this private drive that's so unexpected? This was my sighting of the day on my bike ride with my friend Beth. We did 16 miles.

Nov. 4: Friends: Father & Daughter

2009-11-07T22:36:00.000-05:00

Nov. 2: Yellow

2009-11-07T22:33:00.002-05:00

Nov. 1: Morning Light

2009-11-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

Just a few faves from Halloween...

2009-11-01T00:44:00.004-04:00

Halloween

2009-10-31T14:40:00.002-04:00

End of the season

2009-10-31T14:36:00.002-04:00

Last night was a disappointing end to a really wonderful season. While the Knights lost big (and had an injury), they know that they did a great job for the first season of football.

Beaver Dam Free Will Baptist Church

2009-10-31T14:34:00.000-04:00

Along the ride....

2009-10-31T14:33:00.000-04:00

My ride today....hopefully pictures will follow!

2009-10-29T10:32:00.000-04:00

10/29/2009 Route
Find more Bike Rides in Greer, South Carolina

Plantation ruins

2009-10-24T16:12:00.001-04:00

Day is done, gone the sun

2009-10-23T00:08:00.001-04:00

Sorghum field at sunset.

A perfect day of solidude

2009-10-21T18:21:00.003-04:00

About 2:00, I realized that I was living a perfect day. I didn't set out to, but it just unfolded that way. I have a lot going on in my life right now, things that aren't pleasant or enviable. There's a marriage that's dissolving, a child at war, another child who can't understand why the marriage is in the place it is. There's a job I lost 3 months ago, and a depleted account. There's a living situation that's up in the air. It's new territory everywhere I look. But those are the time when your soul gets stretched in good ways too. I'm learning to meditate, to pray more meaningfully, to know my own inner voice and to trust her. I'm more attuned to every day's reality.

Before our beach house is sold, I am enjoying a few days of job-hunting from here. Since everything's internet-based anyway, why not? Given the choice between a small dark apartment, or a roomy beach house.... hmmmm.... that's a tough one. I have had a few friends down, but for the most part, I've been alone. Solitude isn't unwelcome.

So back to my perfect day: I awoke at 5:00 am and went to lie out under the stars... it's so clear, and the Milky Way was perfectly visible, along with Orion, the Pleaides, and a multitude of other constellations. I went back to sleep, then made frech toast and bacon and coffee....my breakfast of choice. I walked Zeus on the beavch, then went for a bike ride to a nature preserve about 5 miles away. I rode around the loop of the preserve, and took a detour out to an isolated beach. There I took a swim and walked for about an hour. I finished the loop, and stopped for mint chocolate chip ice cream before coming back to the house. The doors are open, the temperature is perfect, the skies are cloudless. It just doesn't get much better.

Quiet space to think

2009-04-25T23:13:00.004-04:00

At this point in my life, a quiet space to think is a welcome thing.

In honor of the day....L'Chaim

2009-01-20T20:47:00.001-05:00

Election Day

What have YOU done?

2009-01-01T16:01:00.003-05:00

I found this list and thought I'd answer. If you'd like to comment with your own answers, or ask questions, please do; or share the list on your own blog.

01. Start your own blog -- Yes
02. Sleep under the stars -- Yes, truly under the stars, along Highway 1 on the Pacific ocean on the beach.
03. Play in a band -- No
04. Visit Hawaii -- No
05. Watch a meteor shower -- Yes
06. Give more than you can afford to charity -- No
07. Go to Disneyworld -- Yes but only once when I was a kid
08. Climb a mountain -- No. I've been ON some big ones skiing or hiking, but not actually climbing a mountain
09. Hold a praying mantis -- Yes
10. Sing a solo -- No, just a solo part in a duet or choral number
11. Bungee jump -- No, but I did hang by my hair off a cliff (caught in a metal rack while rapelling) for over an hour
12. Visit Paris -- Yes
13. Watch a lightning storm at sea -- Yes
14. Teach yourself an art technique -- Yes
15. Adopt a child -- No, but I did have an exchange student for a year
16. Eat sushi -- No
17. Walk to the top of the Statue of Liberty -- No
18. Grow your own vegetables -- Yes
19. See the Mona Lisa in France -- Yes
20. Sleep on an overnight train -- Yes
21. Have a pillow fight -- Yes
22. Hitch hike -- Yes, in Greece with three children
23. Look at the rings of Saturn through a telescope -- Yes
24. Build a snow fort -- No
25. Hold a lamb -- No
26. Climb to the top of a lighthouse -- Yes
27. Run a Marathon -- No
28. Ride in a gondola in Venice -- Yes. Well, it was more a water taxi than a gondola, but let's not be technical!
29. See a total eclipse -- Yes
30. Watch a sunrise or sunset -- Yes
31. Hit a home run -- No
32. Go on a cruise -- Yes
33. See Niagara Falls in person -- No
34. Visit the birthplace of your ancestors -- Yes, in a general sort of way. We went to Scotland, but not to a specific town or anything.
35. Visit an Amish community -- Yes
36. Teach yourself a new language -- No
37. Have enough money to be truly satisfied -- Yes
38. See the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person -- No
39. Go rock climbing -- Yes, although it was the rapelling I was there for, not the climbing
40. See Michelangelo's David -- Yes
41. Sing karaoke in public -- No
42. See Old Faithful geyser erupt in person -- No
43. Buy a stranger a meal at a restaurant -- Yes
44. Visit Africa -- Yes
45. Walk on a beach by moonlight -- Yes
46. Ride in a helicopter -- No
47. Have your portrait painted -- No, but I've painted the portraits of others!
48. Go deep sea fishing -- No
49. See the Sistine Chapel in person -- Yes
50. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris -- Yes
51. Go scuba diving or snorkeling -- Yes in Bermuda and Mexico
52. Kiss in the rain -- Yes
53. Play in the mud -- Hmmm. Not that I remember.
54. Watch a movie at a drive-in theater -- No
55. Be in a movie -- No
56. Visit the Great Wall of China -- No
57. Start a business -- No
58. Take a martial arts class -- No. I don't think yoga counts as "martial". :-)
59. Visit Russia -- Yes
60. Serve meals at a soup kitchen -- Yes
61. Sell Girl Scout cookies -- Yes
62. Go whale watching -- No
63. Get or send flowers for no reason -- Yes
64. Donate blood, platelets or plasma -- No. My needle phobia precludes this.
65. Go sky diving -- No
66. Visit a Nazi Concentration Camp -- No. But my dad liberated one.
67. Adopt a pet from a rescue shelter -- Yes
68. Pilot an airplane -- No
69. Save a favorite childhood toy -- No
70. Visit the Lincoln Memorial -- Yes
71. Eat Caviar -- Yes
72. Make a quilt -- Yes
73. Stand in Times Square -- Yes
74. Tour the Everglades -- No
75. Visit the Viet Nam Memorial -- Yes
76. See the Changing of the Guard in London -- Yes
77. Drive a race car -- No
78. Ride on a speeding motorcycle -- Yes
79. See the Grand Canyon in person -- Yes
80. Publish a book -- No
81. Visit the Vatican -- Yes. Saw the pope too (John Paul II)
82. Buy a brand new car -- Yes
83. Walk in Jerusalem -- Yes
84. Have your picture in the newspaper -- Yes
85. Read the entire Bible -- Yes
86. Visit the White House -- Yes
87. Kill and prepare an animal for eating -- I guess if you count fishing with my grandfather, I did the killing thing. But the preparing? No.
88. Hike the Appalachian Trail -- No
89. Save someone's life -- No
90. Sit on a jury -- No, I was called for jury duty but never sat on a jury
91. Meet someone famous -- Yes, mostly politicians. Billy Graham.
92. Join a book club --Yes
93. Own an iPod -- Yes
94. Have a Facebook page -- Yes
95. See the Alamo in person -- No
96. Swim in the Great Salt Lake -- No, but I did swim in the Dead Sea
97. Cross country snow ski -- No
98. Hold a snake -- Yes
99. See DaVinci’s Starry Night in person -- Yes. Well I saw Van Gogh's Starry Night. I don't think I've heard of DaVinci's Starry Night! :-)
100. Read an entire book in one day -- Yes

The Runner's Prayer

2008-11-15T23:34:00.001-05:00

This was taken at the state crosscountry championships, which we won! Zeus proved to be a lucky mascot!

I'm just wonderin'

2008-11-15T23:23:00.003-05:00

The newspaper headline today says that marijuana was found in a restricted area at the nuclear power plant. It sure gives me a great feeling.

This is my view recently of the same power plant from the air. If I could get this close, what's to keep terrorists from doing so? Especially if all the Homer Simpsons working below are high?

...And that makes me a Great Aunt!

2008-10-28T20:24:00.001-04:00

And my parents are now great-grandparents, with the arrival of this sweet little girl.

Adventure Racing

2008-10-27T23:28:00.003-04:00

South Kakkalacky looks pretty darn lovely

2008-10-27T23:21:00.002-04:00

I was the support "team" ("team"=1 woman and a dog) for Bill's adventure race this past weekend. The race ran through the most rugged terrain in South Carolina, and some of the loveliest. I love that in 30-40 minutes I can be in the midst of such beautiful scenery, or in a few hours be at the beach.

Election thoughts

2008-10-20T22:28:00.000-04:00

Savannah

2008-09-28T10:07:00.003-04:00

I didn't take many pictures, so you're stuck with some lame ones. But I spent a few days in Savannah at a conference. I love that the Savannah School of Art and Design has taken 70+ old buildings around the city and has restored them for campus space.

This is an interior shot of the cathedral there. For a colony that didn't allow Catholics when it was formed, Georgia has made progress! The cathedral is beautiful.

Scuba certification

2008-09-28T10:02:00.002-04:00

For Clark's birthday he got scuba lessons. He spent the better part of four days at it, finally learning to regulate the pressure in his ears, and got his 60' certification.

...And they're off!

2008-09-28T09:56:00.003-04:00

Mackenzie has been running crosscountry this year for the first time. He's learning, as a senior, that he's pretty fast. He's hoping to get to a sub-19 time. It's a rugged course and he's working hard. It's keeping him in shape for basketball, but I think he's enjoying it on its own. Grayson was a fast runner too, though he'd be beat now by his brother.

Rivalry

2008-09-28T09:52:00.003-04:00

Bobby is a friend of Mackenzie's whom we love like our own. But you'd think he'd kinda GET IT that this is a Red Sox house, don't you think? I mean, it's there on the freakin' fridge for everyone to see. But he persists. If he comes to our house, you can bet he'll have some sort of Yankee paraphernalia on. But we let him in anyway, because we're just tolerant and unprejudiced like that.

US Cycling Championships

2008-08-31T17:57:00.004-04:00

120 professional cyclists on a 115-mile course. They pass so darn fast it's really a challenge to get a good shot (at least it's hard for me, with my camera!)

Superman wears Sarah Palin pajamas

2008-08-31T17:51:00.004-04:00

Palin fever has swept through my house and I'm now excited about a race that has not caused me to even tune in heretofore.
Just had to get that out there.
Now, I'll return to my regularly scheduled photography.

Aerial photos

2008-08-31T09:56:00.006-04:00

My boss on Friday afternoon borrowed my camera to take some shots from above. The top photo shows our school. It is bordered to the right by I-85 North, and appears in the upper right corner of the "block" you see. The lower right corner is a CarMax, the lower left corner is a factory, and the upper left corner (new construction) is a new public high school. It's amazing how an aerial shot flattens a landscape. St. Joseph's is perched overlooking I-85 and the rest of the block on a hill that is almost undetectable from the photo.

Anyone who's blood runs orange will recognize Death Valley in the lower photo, with Littlejohn Colosseum in the foreground. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, it's Clemson University's stadium.

Thanks to my guest photographer Charlie for the shots!

Ubiquitous neighbors

2008-08-31T09:44:00.005-04:00

I live in a really great city. But its unique sense of place is, as everywhere else I suppose, slowly giving way to the universally recognizable. My home is, sadly, conveniently situated a short walk from both of these. More and more, Bill and I would like to find or build a place that has a singular feel to it, away from the chain retailers and nearer to the heart of our unique city.

Last night found us having a party for Mackenzie's 17th birthday, so it's a bit draggy around the house this morning. Of course my husband is up and at it. Bill's riding with a fellow adventure racer, because he is training for a triathlon? half-iron man? adventure race? coming up soon (I can't keep all his races straight!) I'm headed to mass, and this afternoon we hope to meet up and watch the US Cycling Championships, which are being held in our city. I'll try out the new camera there.

Scuba diving

2008-08-17T14:08:00.003-04:00

For his 15th birthday Clark got scuba diving lessons. He started yesterday. He usually makes goofy faces when he sees a camera, so I'm particularly grateful for this shot. He's grown this summer and is starting to fill out; he doesn't look like a kid anymore.

Thanks to those who gave me advice. What I ended up doing was going back to Canon. The camera I lost in the river was a Canon Powershot, and I liked it. I decided that I've tried three cameras since then -- an Olympus, a Samsung, and a Lumix -- and I haven't been happy with any, though the Samsung was pretty good. I have a Nikon manual camera that I like, and I hope to get a Nikon D80 one of these days, but for something to stick in my pocket I'm going to go with a known quantity and get a Powershot. Let's hope I don't have to return this one!

Belly dancer

2008-08-10T23:05:00.003-04:00

Bill and I tried a Persian restaurant last night, and we were greeted at our table by a belly dancer. A bit out of our norm, but we had a nice time and the food was great.

Gearing up

2008-08-07T21:32:00.005-04:00

Clark is working as a trainer for the fledgling football team at his school. They are beginning the program with a C team this year, so Clark and Mackenzie are too old to participate in playing. Clark will work as a trainer, and Mackenzie for his fall sport will run cross country.

I'm not sure I'm happy with the camera. I'll have to work with it more to see if it is operator error or equipment issues. But the pics seem very pixelated to me; very few of the ones I took today are even OK.

When kids get bored

2008-08-06T22:41:00.003-04:00

This was what Clark worked on this afternoon.

Here we go again?

2008-08-05T21:35:00.002-04:00

In an exciting turn of events, I have bought a camera! It's not a D80...I'm just not ready for that yet, but it is a Panasonic Lumix that I got at Costco on the camera guy's recommendation. I have a 90 return if I don't like it, so I plan on playing with it for awhile and putting it through the paces. But I have a camera! I can blog again! I know you are all just dying to see all the exotic sights in South Carolina!

In other news, Mackenzie has a staph infection (his forearm, of all the weird places). But he hasn't wrecked anything lately, and this isn't a MRSA, so I can deal with it.
My dd is dating someone and called today to see if we wanted to meet him for lunch in a few weeks. Ack!
My job is going well, and I just finished up teaching an online art appreciation class (thanks, Julie!). I had a great time with it, but I'm ready to enjoy the last few days of summer. I start at my job with regular fulltime hours next week.... that's going to be an adjustment for someone who was a stay-at-home mom for 21 years! But it will be fun.

Hopefully tomorrow I can start photoblogging more regularly!

Saving loggerheads

2008-07-20T23:37:00.005-04:00

I am at the beach and am leaving tomorrow to go home. All week I've been watching the loggerhead turtle nests, hoping to see a hatching. Every night I after dark I would walk to the nests and see absolutely no change. But tonight, one of the nests had a three inch hole that appeared to be about 6 inches deep. I went home and got a chair and a flashlight, and a few kids to accompany me. We set up our chairs to watch for the hatching. Within 3 minutes of getting there, the hole caved in further and started squirming (top picture). Even though there was a full moon, clouds completely obscured it. Some of the houses had their lights on and the turtles started heading for the houses, not the ocean. They would all have headed to the houses and not made it. (I saw baby turtles on my street last year who had headed inland toward the artificial lights and died.) I shone my flashlight on them and they immediately turned toward it. With flashlights and cellphones we led all of them to the ocean. I've witnessed a hatching before (and two nestings!) but have never felt like my participation made a difference, until tonight.

Wall-E

2008-06-28T21:19:00.004-04:00

Just a heads-up....this movie is great! I can't wait to watch it again. And I don't rewatch too many movies. It has romance, it has message, it has social commentary, it has music, it has laughs, it has incredible animation and an imaginative premise... I liked everything about it, even the "history of art" given in the final credits! And it is G-rated, without any over-the-kids-heads kinds of double entendres.

...About that close call

2008-06-28T02:32:00.001-04:00

I'm finally getting pictures of what's left of his car. Today it went to the junkyard.

Another close call

2008-06-15T04:40:00.004-04:00

Anyone who has known much about my life of the last 10 years or so will read that title and think to themselves, "I wonder what Grayson has done this time?" In that relatively short span he has had a near drowning, a skateboarding-induced brain injury, and has narrowly escaped being hit by a train. He has rolled not one but two cars while driving on the interstate, and has wrecked two others. As a pedestrian, he has been hit by a car at 50 mph. There are more incidents than these, but you get the idea. And now he is soon to be deployed as a Marine. So you will be relieved that this close call doesn't involve Grayson.

His brother Mackenzie now has the distinction of being spared death on the highway. His dad had just bought a car for him to drive three weeks ago.... it hadn't even been registered yet. Late Friday afternoon he left Greenville to join us up in Asheville NC for our family reunion. We're not sure what happened, whether he nodded off, blacked out (how he described it), or just lost concentration. He went off the road, sheared several trees and drove over a fallen tree before he T-boned straight into a large tree. The car is destroyed and the EMS personnel said that they couldn't believe he was alive. Yet he only has superficial scratches and soreness, as far as we can tell.

As a parent, I've gotten these calls so many times that I've become emotionally inured, I think. But my gray hairs keep sprouting and I keep wondering why it seems that my children have thus far survived so many incidents, when I can read any day in the paper of other children who are, in similar incidents, lost to their parents.

Because they have had these experiences, and because their siblings see all these accidents/judgment errors, our home certainly doesn't want for lack of "life lessons". Mackenzie has had more than his share of those "learning opportunities". How many more of these will it take? What important purpose do all these incidents, and resulting losses, add up to? Will life always involve phone calls from schools, from jails, from hospitals, from strangers that begin, "I think he's going to be alright, but I'm calling to let you know that your son has been involved in ... " ? And will a call come one day that doesn't have any positive news first, only sadness and regret? I can't help but think these thoughts.

Major life change

2008-06-10T03:45:00.003-04:00

Well, the decision has been made. The confirmation has been sent. The background checks will be done tomorrow. If I pass that (and I'm not a skeleton-in-the-closet kind of gal) I will be gainfully employed. The last time I drew a paycheck Ronald Reagan was in the White House, Amadeus was on the big screen, and the first Ford Taurus was rolling off the assembly line. So you can imagine that this is a major change around here! I accepted a job at the boys' Catholic school, as the assistant director of advancement. (And for all you Office fans, that's NOT the same as "the assistant to the director of advancement".) I start in a week. I feel good about the work I'll be doing and the people I'll be working with, and the school I'll be advancing. My duties will be to orchestrate the fundraising events, to oversee parent volunteer groups, to oversee communications with donors, etc. Of course, that means an end to my art classes. But to everything there is a season -- (I can't say that without hearing that Pete Seger song say "Turn! Turn! Turn!"). I hope one day I can take at least a few more classes. Actually, I'm going to take a Photoshop workshop in August. But for now, this season of life calls for me to focus on a job.

I'm happy that I was able to find a job relatively quickly, and that the whole "homemaker gone back to work" thing wasn't so much of an issue. I'm also happy with the schedule, giving me half-time in the summer, and enough vacation days & school holidays to spend with the family. The pay is what you'd expect in the education world, but the easier schedule and the tuition breaks make it more attractive. I think getting back into the work world will give me a new challenge, and I like that. It will be good for my kids to see their mom in a new role too. Maybe with my first paycheck I'll get a digital camera and start back up with blogging! :-)

News from Camp Pendleton

2008-05-21T06:14:00.002-04:00

Grayson has informed us that the Marines will be deploying him on a ship for 6 months, leaving in November. He has 30 days leave before then, so if we're lucky he'll chose to spend that leave time here in SC.
I'm visiting my daughter tomorrow (she's living in Charlotte for the summer) to help her out with grocery shopping and cooking. She's trying a pretty restrictive diet and some nutritional supplements, to see if she can avert gall bladder surgery. She's been doing well since the event a few weeks ago, but in order to get to the point of being really healthy, she's got to stick with this for some time.... there are no easy fixes when you opt out of the surgical method. So I'll be up there encouraging her to hang in there!
I'm getting tired of not having a camera, so hopefully soon I'll just break down and get one, even if it isn't THE one I want.
As for me, I met with a headhunter yesterday about re-entering the workforce after a 22 year break. :-) I may put my school on hold in order to start working. I'm not sure what the future holds for me! Bill's working hard, as always, but his field is severely impacted by the current economy.

It's always something!

2008-05-05T22:52:00.003-04:00

This morning my 21 year old daughter pulled into the driveway in tears. (She lives an hour and a half away, at college). She was having a gall bladder attack. She drove all the way home by herself, in excruciating pain. She said she felt like she was going to die. She's my child who has a very high toleration for pain, so I knew it must be terrible. I spent the morning with her in the doctor's office, then she fasted for the rest of the day and we spent the late afternoon until now (11 pm) at the hospital, where it was determined that her gall bladder is not functioning. We're going to a natural nutritional-type practitioner tomorrow, then she'll weigh her treatment options. We could be looking at surgery. And of course, this is the week that Grayson leaves for San Diego. Ah, being a mother. Sometimes it tears you up.

My apologies

2008-05-02T05:02:00.002-04:00

Since I don't have a digital camera anymore, and since my photo class is finished now, I haven't been posting anything here. I'm sorry! Hopefully a new digital camera will be in my future (I'm not sure how, exactly, but maybe santa or the tooth fairy or mother's day? .... nah.) In the meantime, I will try to post something, anything, so I won't completely lose my readership!

Here's an update on my life: 3 stresses.

My last exam is today, and I'm finished with this semester of school. I give the experience two thumbs up! I'm not sure what the future holds in that regard though. The economy isn't being kind to our family right now, so I may have to postpone further school while I get a job with a paycheck attached. I'm not sure how a full-time mom returns to the workforce successfully, but it looks like I'm going to have to give it a whirl.

PFC Grayson is home on leave right now, but will be shipping off in a week to San Diego, his permanent duty station. There are a lot of bittersweet feelings rolling around in me right now, but I just can't give voice to them.

My mom's cancer is active again. She's had breast cancer, uterine cancer, and non-Hodgkins lymphoma for over 25 years now. Somehow she's managed to live a great life nevertheless. Though she's had several surgeries she's never taken radiation or chemotherapy, and she's not about to do it now, although the cancer is now inoperable. She's doing a nutritional thing while she contemplates another non-chemo type of therapy.

Light and shadow

2008-04-10T05:28:00.009-04:00

This week's assignment is to explore the interplay of light and shadow. For the photo to be successful the shadow must play an integral part of the design. All these were shot with ISO 50 film. For purposes of the assignment all "Light/Shadow" photos had to be on a separate roll from the "Light/Texture" photos...which was frustrating. I think the jellyfish here could go in either category, and the photo of Zeus in the "Light/Texture" post could equally well go here.

Light and Texture

2008-04-10T05:16:00.009-04:00

The assignment here is to use light to accentuate surface texture. It helps on these to click and enlarge, in order to see surface texture well.

ISO 50, 125@f8

ISO 50, 2@f11

ISO 50, 125@f8

ISO 50, 350@f4

Metaphor: Fear

2008-03-20T04:40:00.012-04:00

This assignment was to take pictures of metaphor. Unlike in past years, this year they gave the class a theme. I found it hard to portray fear (or do they want us to elicit fear??) without turning to cliches. And to portray fear in a universal sense, yet having that sense informed by my personal choices. Not sure whether I succeeded or not. I'm posting more than my usual five because I haven't yet decided which of these to turn in as my final 5. After you look at them, I'll give my comments of what I was going for. I'm sorry I downloaded these in small format...I am not sure that Pictures and Busted I & II really come through in this small format.

Bedroom Floor:

Bras:

Busted:

Pictures:

Hand:

Busted II:

Porch:

With Bedroom Floor, I was challenging myself to take a roll in the house...to find fears close to home. In my bedroom I laid on the floor and pictured the aftermath of an event (a robbery? a heart attack?) and what that would be like. The idea here was to show the disorientation of not quite having your bearings. Thus the odd focus, odd perspective thing.

In Bras, I had a few thoughts in mind. One was breast cancer, or the thought of mastectomy (and the bras therefore being irrelevant). Another thought was the empty nest...fearing that I'd no longer be needed, that I myself might be irrelevant, once my nurturing role was done.

Over the weekend, we went to the ACC tournament in Charlotte. Leaving the arena, we passed the bus station and found some happenings going on. Lucky for me the car was nearby with my camera, so I got out and tried out my future in the growing field of papparazzi. In both Busted I and Busted II, I tried to capture the feeling of vulnerability this woman must have felt, and her fear of what would happen in her run-in with the law.

In Pictures, I set up a shelf of my family photos so that none of the faces except Grayson's was actually visible, and tried to make his eye the focal point of the shot. I fear for him in the Marines (well, I fear for him anyway because he is fearLESS, but being in the Marines exacerbates my fear). There's always a pang in my heart when I view his official military portrait, knowing that if something happened to him, it would be the published picture in the newspaper. Maybe that's morbid, but it is what it is. Because this fear is more personal to myself, it might not be the best one to put in my portfolio....I don't know.

Hand is another shot taken in my bedroom. It's supposed to be ambiguous and elicit unease. Again, it could reference someone trying to escape an intruder; it could refer to falling or losing one's orientation; it might be a plea for mercy; it might reference feeling sucked into a vortex.

There's a small old house on a busy street near me. It is unoccupied, so I stopped one afternoon and took quite a few views of it. This was my favorite, and I was trying to illustrate a fear of abandonment.