A little too close to home

Today I was allowed to sit in on some student financial counseling, with the intention that next week I will myself counsel students whose accounts are in arrears. I was looking forward to getting such direct student contact. The student services administrator I was shadowing went over the three cases we would handle, what kinds of questions she would ask, and what she anticipated would be the outcomes. The first student was well off enough, and was able to pay his fees after all. And the last student was just an issue of timing, but not of need. So those were straightforward cases.

But the woman in the middle was not so simple and clear-cut. She was 15 minutes early for the appointment. Her eyes were so sad. Her husband back in Nigeria had cut off her financial support as their marriage was crumbling. Now, she was here in a foreign country without means. She had scraped up what she could and had received a small amount of hardship aid. She had spoken with family members, and with the community leader who had arranged her marriage. But even if these people came through with the promised help, it would probably not be enough to satisfy her school bill.

She tried so hard to remain composed and with her head held high. But one by one large tears formed and slowly trickled down her cheeks.

I could barely stand it, being on the side of the desk saying 'You must pay this debt' but understanding the position way too well of being the one who is trying to remain strong in the face of rough odds or devastating news. I thought of a family member, who has been in the position of that student. I thought of several friends who have been in that position. They trusted someone to be there for them, and found themselves out in the cold, on their own, left to fend. And I witnessed this woman, at that place in her life, trying desperately to create alternatives out of ashes.

I didn't want to be there. I wished I could have given her a hug, cried alongside her, and offered some kind of assurance that 'it will be alright.' But I needed to be the professional in the situation, and besides, I know better. It might not be alright. She might return to Nigeria without her degree, without a husband, and without options.

So what did I learn today? I learned how incredibly difficult it can be to leave your own junk out of the room; to remain compassionate and empathetic while upholding the realities of rules and regulations; and to look injustice squarely in its tear-filled eyes.

Same blogger...different country

Today I landed in Manchester, UK, to begin an internship at the University of Sheffield. However, most sadly, I could not find the cord which connected my camera to my computer, and so haven't a way to upload photos currently, except from Tabitha's camera (where those that follow were taken). I'm going to look to buy a cord here if that's possible. Of course, I still haven't exchanged currency, used an ATM, bought a bus pass, or really done any of the navigating in a new country that I need to.

Tabitha and I arrived here after an uneventful flight. It was the part before the flight that was eventful. My parents dropped us at the airport and we said our goodbyes. Inside, we immediately learned that our baggage was overweight. Not such a big problem for me, as I could carry a makeup bag as my second carry-on, and problem solved. But Tabitha had "weightier" issues: 25 pounds to redistribute, and (Murphy's Law) a busted zipper on her brand new carry-on. Finally after proving that no, we are not terrorists, and about an hour, extra baggage, and lots of discarded toiletries, later, we boarded the flight.
The layover in Atlanta was short. I scarfed down an Arby's as Tabitha tried to hunt down a replacement for the totally worthless Samsonite. As time neared for boarding, I began sending texts: "Hi, I'm leaving the food court." "Hi, where are you?" "The gate is all the way at the end of the concourse. Where are you?" "Our zone is finished boarding! Where are you?????" and finally "I'm on the plane and in a panic." But she made it on, having found unfortunately no luggage to replace the broken zippered tote bag. This was this morning's view out the window:

Jet lag has been my constant companion today. Arriving in Manchester, we navigated our way to the train station and found the train for Sheffield. We called Andrew, our University contact, who picked us up an hour later at the Sheffield platform. He drove us by the University, showing us where we'd be working, and then on to the house we are staying in, high up Carsick Hill, west of the city. The home is lovely... a recently renovated older home with a large (by English standards) lot, 3 darling children, 2 Maine Coon cats (Ra and Isis), and a very kind and accommodating couple. Following leek and potato soup, Tabbs and I both took a long nap. Late afternoon, we walked down the hill to the bus stop, and did a bit of shopping (replacing those discarded toiletries). It is election day here in England:

Hopefully by tomorrow we will have our beauty sleep, and be ready to tackle to bus system, touring around downtown, and getting our local bearings.
So far, these are my observations:
1. It's colder here. Colder in the house, colder outside. I hope I brought enough warm non-work clothes.
2. I want a Maine Coon cat.
3. Even the houses where they wouldn't claim to have a gardener, look quaint and brimming with landscaping. Just on our short walk, we saw peonies, lilacs, columbine, tulips, rhododendron, roses, and about two dozen other plants I don't know... all in bloom.
4. I should have amazing calves by the time I've climbed Carsick Hill daily for 6 weeks. This is a sign posted along the not-very-steep section:

Ho Ho Holidays

The Christmas party season is well underway. Tuesday night brought Kathy's annual girlfriend party. The only man in the place is our bartender Matt, the perfect bartender. He tells everyone how great they look, keeps everybody's glass filled, and poses for photos with everyone.

Looking forward

Ups and downs rattle your teeth for awhile, but eventually, you settle into whatever reality looks like. That's where I'm at. My teeth are rattling a little, but I am looking forward to the road smoothing out into a new normal. I was recently chosen with 2 others from my program to work in England this spring. Tabitha (pictured with me) and Ryan and I will go to the University of Sheffield, and work in Student Affairs there for 5 weeks. By then, I hope I'll have Grayson back from Afghanistan, the 2 year divorce over, and be able to really have a great time, without worries.

How my day started!

I'm lucky to have some of the best friends on earth. Seriously. Old, new. Young, old. Married, single. I love them.
So this weekend I went up to Asheville to celebrate my old friend (as in, she's been my friend a long time) Beth's birthday. Her hubby Steve has also been my friend for 30 years. And joining us was a new friend, Kingsley, whom I met last year. We dined at the Biltmore House, and ate scrumptious food. I spent the night with them, and awoke to snow! Beth served a lovely breakfast and we visited this morning. I returned to a dog who was happy to see me -- another of my good friends. I went to a friend's birthday party, then relaxed with another friend to watch Dan in Real Life (my favorite Steve Carrell role). Wrapped up the night with a Skype with my favorite Marine and a few phone calls with other friends.

I am grateful tonight for friendships that last across time, across distance, across grief and loss and misfortune.

Just for history

I don't have many pictures this year, and even less of myself! But I'm putting a few out here. It's been a tough year, but I like the current trajectory being in a positive direction.

Pinhole camera: Self-portrait

Photogram: Self Portrait

January Self-portrait

Self Portrait: first of the year

Common view

Though this was taken at the beach in October, I figure it's an accurate enough, and a common view of me...just replace the background with this, and you'll have me in the dining room:

Me 'n Posh Spice

I got a new haircut (and a bit more blonde) today, and someone later pointed out to me that it's a similar cut to Posh Spice, of Spice Girls' fame. I was happy with this shot because often my halo doesn't come through in photos. As with most of my self-portraits, this was taken while driving, and drinking coffee, which explains the odd angle.

It feels weird.

Back to the real world

This is what I was doing a few days ago; but it seems like longer than that! I'm snowed under with school projects and laundry.

Perfect fall day

It was a convertible kind of day.

Well-rested

Figured I should commemorate a full night's sleep with a self-portrait.

Self-portrait: Self-mortification

If I ever had a scrap of pride, it should be gone with the publication of these two shots. One is taken by Chelsea. I took her out to eat before I left on my retreat, and she shot this one of me fishing for a tip. Lovely, lovely angle, charming expression, and so form-flattering!! Hard to imagine a prettier me!

The other is a self portrait taken on the retreat while doing yoga on the riverbank. I always to look so svelte when the camera is ...um... hip-level. Wow. And I look so stern....probably because I only had 10 seconds in which to set up the pose and get balanced before the shutter released.

At least now, any self-portraits I take should be an improvement.

Hair today....

...nails tomorrow.

Derby Day

Due to our son having a car accident this morning (he's OK), we had to miss the Kentucky Derby party we were going to attend. So I donned my outfit and hat and tried to pull off an attempt at virtual attendance.

Friends at the beach...

Here's a sampling of the women here with me...